Assignment Proposal: Feedback on ICP Essay #94
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Essay Feedback - Unpacking the Innovations of Internet Computer Protocol (ICP)"I certify that generative AI, incl. ChatGPT, has not been used to write this feedback. Using generative AI without permission is considered academic misconduct.” Timeliness: Wednesday 13/12 afternoon I got the go. :) To start, thank you for writing an essay on this topic, I have heard about ICP before but I did not know any details about the protocol. It was interesting to know how they leverage cloud computing for blockchain. I will provide some notes of what I consider strengths and weaknesses of your essay. High-Level StrengthsRelevanceThe essay is clearly relevant to the area of programmable society, and it is extra interesting that it also includes the another somewhat separated domain of cloud computing. This brings nuance to how we can leverage and use blockchain technology better. Introduction to topicYou emphasise the advantages that ICP comes with by leveraging cloud computing on blockchain in the beginning, which makes the reader interested to know more about why that is. You also connect this to blockchains by mentioning what properties from there are good for cloud computing. TechnicalityA large section of the essay is on the IC architecture and protocol which makes this essay quite technical. This is good as the essay becomes more specialised in the topic and is a good level for the audience. Engagement and FlowThe text is engaging which keeps interest while reading. The essay in general also has a good flow of information for explaining ICP. High-Level WeaknessesStructureI believe you could improve the clarity of your essay by changing the structure a bit. For example, you could rework the section names, and move around some of the text body. For example, the first two sections First step in Internet Computer and Internet Computer protocol the basics can be made into one heading such as Introduction or something more "fun" if you prefer like A New Blockchain Cloud Computing Landscape. Then you could dedicate this whole section to giving a thorough introducion to the subject. As it is now, it is a bit difficult to distinguish the two sections as they overlap in the subject they discuss. Furthermore, as the natural flow of an essay is high level overview -> more in depth, explicitly stating this in the section names is perhaps not necessary. I believe your essay would benefit a lot from reworking the structure from the section point of view, and the text body they hold. Problem StatementI suggest you can make the argument of importance of ICP even stronger if you better frame the problem space. You can e.g. in 1-2 sentences mention an apparent issue of e.g. Ethereum that ICP solves/aims to solve. You do mention it regarding subnets later on, so perhaps this could be included earlier to get a good problem framing. For example. I think it would be very interesting with a short section in the beginning that contrasts properties of blockchain and cloud computing more. Essay BodyThe essay could gain nuance from contrasting advantages with e.g. challenges of ICP. For example, more explicitly state what the issue of incomplete decentralisation is, that the governance system of ICP solves. Also, you could explain more what this governance system actually governs over. The part in the reflection of challenges of navigating ICP is good, you should have more text like this. Furthermore, are there options to ICP for building web apps on chain? For example, in a state of the art section you could mention the Deso blockchain which also claims to solve apps (socoal media) on chain. You could frame the work better by mentioning these options. Essay FormatYour essay is in general informal. This need not be negative, for example you convey engagement in this form. However, I believe you could still make the language and formatting more formal and keep the positive aspects of the current informal format. FiguresWhereas you have images that are a good support to the text you write, I think it is important to caption these. For example, the next last picture which shows node machines is quite difficult to grasp without an explanation. With the help of a caption and figure reference, you can refer to the figure in the text. This helps the reader knows what information in the essay the figure supports, and when to look at it. ReferencesAt some points you refer to the "developers", which I believe should be backed up by a reference, or you can leave out "developers" and just insert the reference. The references should perhaps follow some referencing guide like IEEE or ACM to be more correct. The references lack information, such as Author of the Bitcoin paper. Also you could reference the ICP whitepaper. KTHB has a guide on choosing reference style which could be useful! ExtraI understand you had to remove parts to get under the word count, which might have limited you to put in all parts you wanted. By working through the text one time more and writing more concisely perhaps you could be able to include these parts as well. Also, keep in mind to think about the audience, and properly introduce terms you use! I do for example know very little about cloud computing, and some other people (cs students) might know very little about blockchains. Conclusion.In general I think your essay would benefit from these three things:
With that said, I enjoyed reading your essay and have gained valuable new knowledge in this domain! Thank you! Best, |
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Thank you @anderssonvivi for you very helpful and described feedback. I will take in serious consideration. |
Assignment Proposal
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Feedback for Iosef's essay on ICP
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I would like to give feedback to Iosef Koens essay on the Internet Computer Protocol.
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We can help each other become better at writing and giving feedback!