diff --git a/dotcom-rendering/makefile b/dotcom-rendering/makefile
index fc9dbaeb6f0..864b90c20b5 100644
--- a/dotcom-rendering/makefile
+++ b/dotcom-rendering/makefile
@@ -8,11 +8,11 @@ export SHELL := /usr/bin/env bash
 # messaging #########################################
 
 define log
-    @node ../scripts/log $(1)
+    @node scripts/env/log $(1)
 endef
 
 define warn
-    @node ../scripts/log $(1) warn
+    @node scripts/env/log $(1) warn
 endef
 
 # deployment #########################################
@@ -134,11 +134,9 @@ lint: clean-dist install
 	$(call log, "checking for lint errors")
 	@yarn lint
 
-lint-project: check-env
+lint-project:
 	$(call log, "linting project")
-	@node scripts/check-node-versions.mjs
-	@node scripts/env/check-deps.js
-	@node scripts/env/check-files.js
+	@node ../scripts/check-node-versions.mjs
 
 stylelint: clean-dist install
 	$(call log, "checking for style lint errors")
@@ -183,8 +181,10 @@ validate-build: # private
 
 check-env: # private
 	$(call log, "checking environment")
-	@cd .. && scripts/env/check-node
-	@cd .. && scripts/env/check-yarn
+	@node scripts/env/check-node.js
+	@node scripts/env/check-yarn.js
+	@node scripts/env/check-deps.js
+	@node scripts/env/check-files.js
 
 clear: # private
 	@clear
diff --git a/dotcom-rendering/scripts/deploy/build-riffraff-bundle.mjs b/dotcom-rendering/scripts/deploy/build-riffraff-bundle.mjs
index 3d723a19405..8747cd80279 100755
--- a/dotcom-rendering/scripts/deploy/build-riffraff-bundle.mjs
+++ b/dotcom-rendering/scripts/deploy/build-riffraff-bundle.mjs
@@ -3,7 +3,7 @@ import path from 'node:path';
 import * as url from 'node:url';
 import cpy from 'cpy';
 import execa from 'execa';
-import { log, warn } from '../../../scripts/log.js';
+import { log, warn } from '../env/log.js';
 
 const dirname = url.fileURLToPath(new URL('.', import.meta.url));
 const target = path.resolve(dirname, '../..', 'target');
diff --git a/dotcom-rendering/scripts/env/check-deps.js b/dotcom-rendering/scripts/env/check-deps.js
index ab26c2ea76f..33534bfcb6a 100644
--- a/dotcom-rendering/scripts/env/check-deps.js
+++ b/dotcom-rendering/scripts/env/check-deps.js
@@ -1,7 +1,7 @@
 const fs = require('node:fs');
 const lockfile = require('@yarnpkg/lockfile');
-const { warn, log } = require('../../../scripts/log');
 const pkg = require('../../package.json');
+const { warn, log } = require('./log');
 
 if (pkg.devDependencies) {
 	warn('Don’t use devDependencies');
diff --git a/dotcom-rendering/scripts/env/check-files.js b/dotcom-rendering/scripts/env/check-files.js
index 10bb69d7ce5..8e349f43c6c 100644
--- a/dotcom-rendering/scripts/env/check-files.js
+++ b/dotcom-rendering/scripts/env/check-files.js
@@ -1,5 +1,5 @@
 const execa = require('execa');
-const { warn } = require('../../../scripts/log');
+const { warn } = require('./log');
 
 execa('find', ['src', '-type', 'f', '-name', '*index*.ts*'])
 	.then(({ stdout }) => {
diff --git a/dotcom-rendering/scripts/env/check-node.js b/dotcom-rendering/scripts/env/check-node.js
new file mode 100644
index 00000000000..8f22fde6698
--- /dev/null
+++ b/dotcom-rendering/scripts/env/check-node.js
@@ -0,0 +1,46 @@
+// eslint-disable-next-line @typescript-eslint/unbound-method
+const { join } = require('node:path');
+const { promisify } = require('node:util');
+const readFile = promisify(require('node:fs').readFile);
+const ensure = require('./ensure');
+
+// eslint-disable-next-line @typescript-eslint/no-floating-promises
+(async () => {
+	try {
+		const [semver] = await ensure('semver');
+
+		const nodeVersion = /^v(\d+\.\d+\.\d+)/.exec(process.version)[1];
+		const nvmrcVersion = (
+			await readFile(join(__dirname, '..', '..', '..', '.nvmrc'), 'utf8')
+		).trim();
+
+		if (!semver.satisfies(nodeVersion, nvmrcVersion)) {
+			const { warn, prompt, log } = require('./log');
+			warn(
+				`dotcom-rendering requires Node v${nvmrcVersion}`,
+				`You are using v${nodeVersion ?? '(unknown)'}`,
+			);
+			if (process.env.NVM_DIR) {
+				prompt('Run `nvm install` from the repo root and try again.');
+				log(
+					'See also: https://gist.github.com/sndrs/5940e9e8a3f506b287233ed65365befb',
+				);
+			} else if (process.env.FNM_DIR) {
+				prompt(
+					'It looks like you have fnm installed',
+					'Run `fnm use` from the repo root and try again.',
+				);
+			} else {
+				prompt(
+					`Using a Node version manager can make things easier.`,
+					`Our recommendation is fnm: https://github.com/Schniz/fnm`,
+				);
+			}
+			process.exit(1);
+		}
+	} catch (e) {
+		// eslint-disable-next-line no-console
+		console.log(e);
+		process.exit(1);
+	}
+})();
diff --git a/dotcom-rendering/scripts/env/check-yarn.js b/dotcom-rendering/scripts/env/check-yarn.js
new file mode 100644
index 00000000000..6b0ec02cb58
--- /dev/null
+++ b/dotcom-rendering/scripts/env/check-yarn.js
@@ -0,0 +1,32 @@
+const { promisify } = require('node:util');
+const exec = promisify(require('node:child_process').execFile);
+const ensure = require('./ensure');
+
+// Yarn v1.x support .yarnrc, so we can use a local (check-in) copy of yarn
+const YARN_MIN_VERSION = '1.x';
+
+// eslint-disable-next-line @typescript-eslint/no-floating-promises
+(async () => {
+	try {
+		// This will fail if yarn isn't installed, and force into the catch,
+		// where we install yarn with NPM (mainly for CI)
+		const { stdout: version } = await exec('yarn', ['--version']);
+
+		const [semver] = await ensure('semver');
+
+		if (!semver.satisfies(version, YARN_MIN_VERSION)) {
+			const { warn, prompt, log } = require('./log');
+			warn(
+				`dotcom-rendering requires Yarn >=${YARN_MIN_VERSION}`,
+				`You are using v${version}`,
+			);
+			prompt('Please upgrade yarn');
+			log('https://classic.yarnpkg.com/en/docs/install');
+
+			process.exit(1);
+		}
+	} catch (e) {
+		require('./log').log(`Installing yarn`);
+		await exec('npm', ['i', '-g', `yarn@${YARN_MIN_VERSION}`]);
+	}
+})();
diff --git a/dotcom-rendering/scripts/env/ensure.js b/dotcom-rendering/scripts/env/ensure.js
new file mode 100644
index 00000000000..9273ab01974
--- /dev/null
+++ b/dotcom-rendering/scripts/env/ensure.js
@@ -0,0 +1,37 @@
+// provides a way to use packages in scripts when we don't know
+// if they've been installed yet (with yarn) by temporarily
+// installing with npm if node cannot resolve the package
+
+const { log } = require('./log');
+
+module.exports = (...packages) =>
+	new Promise((resolve) => {
+		try {
+			resolve(packages.map(require));
+		} catch (e) {
+			log(`Pre-installing dependency (${packages.join(', ')})...`);
+			const npmInstallProcess = require('node:child_process')
+				.spawn('npm', [
+					'i',
+					...packages,
+					'--no-save',
+					'--legacy-peer-deps',
+					'--package-lock=false',
+				])
+				.on('close', (code) => {
+					if (code !== 0) {
+						process.exit(code);
+					}
+					try {
+						resolve(packages.map(require));
+					} catch (e2) {
+						// eslint-disable-next-line no-console
+						console.log(e2);
+						process.exit(1);
+					}
+				})
+				.stderr.on('data', (data) =>
+					console.error(Buffer.from(data).toString()),
+				);
+		}
+	});
diff --git a/scripts/log.js b/dotcom-rendering/scripts/env/log.js
similarity index 77%
rename from scripts/log.js
rename to dotcom-rendering/scripts/env/log.js
index 058dbe97577..02ff6f44bb4 100644
--- a/scripts/log.js
+++ b/dotcom-rendering/scripts/env/log.js
@@ -5,18 +5,14 @@ const capitalize = (str) =>
 
 // we could use chalk, but this saves needing to pre-install it
 // if this is a first run
-// https://gist.github.com/fnky/458719343aabd01cfb17a3a4f7296797
 const red = '\x1b[31m';
 const yellow = '\x1b[33m';
-const green = '\x1b[32m';
+const green = '\u001b[32m';
 const dim = '\x1b[2m';
 const reset = '\x1b[0m';
 
-const colourise = (colour, str) =>
-	process.stdout.isTTY ? `${colour}${str}${reset}` : str;
-
 const logIt = (messages = [], color = dim) => {
-	console.log(colourise(color, capitalize(messages.join('\n'))));
+	console.log(`${color}%s${reset}`, capitalize(messages.join('\n')));
 };
 
 const log = (...messages) => logIt(messages);
@@ -46,5 +42,4 @@ module.exports = {
 	warn,
 	prompt,
 	success,
-	colourise,
 };
diff --git a/dotcom-rendering/scripts/gen-stories/get-stories.mjs b/dotcom-rendering/scripts/gen-stories/get-stories.mjs
index 829ab2a634f..260969ce1d1 100644
--- a/dotcom-rendering/scripts/gen-stories/get-stories.mjs
+++ b/dotcom-rendering/scripts/gen-stories/get-stories.mjs
@@ -14,7 +14,7 @@
 import { mkdirSync, readFileSync, writeFileSync } from 'node:fs';
 import { dirname, resolve } from 'node:path';
 import { fileURLToPath } from 'node:url';
-import { log, success, warn } from '../../../scripts/log.js';
+import { log, success, warn } from '../env/log.js';
 
 const STORIES_PATH = resolve(
 	dirname(fileURLToPath(new URL(import.meta.url))),
@@ -132,7 +132,7 @@ ${storyVariableName}.args = { config: ${JSON.stringify(config)} };
 ${storyVariableName}.decorators = [lightDecorator({
 	display: ArticleDisplay.${displayName},
 	design: ArticleDesign.${designName},
-	theme: {...ArticleSpecial, ...Pillar}.${theme.replace('Pillar', '')},
+	theme: {...ArticleSpecial, ...Pillar}.${theme.replace("Pillar", "")},
 })];
 `;
 };
diff --git a/dotcom-rendering/scripts/perf/perf-test.js b/dotcom-rendering/scripts/perf/perf-test.js
index f595b25de42..d28120a0e49 100644
--- a/dotcom-rendering/scripts/perf/perf-test.js
+++ b/dotcom-rendering/scripts/perf/perf-test.js
@@ -1,5 +1,5 @@
 const execa = require('execa');
-const { warn, log } = require('../../../scripts/log');
+const { warn, log } = require('../env/log');
 
 const run = async () => {
 	try {
diff --git a/dotcom-rendering/scripts/check-node-versions.mjs b/scripts/check-node-versions.mjs
similarity index 86%
rename from dotcom-rendering/scripts/check-node-versions.mjs
rename to scripts/check-node-versions.mjs
index a903dd3e8a2..c02a1f8c471 100644
--- a/dotcom-rendering/scripts/check-node-versions.mjs
+++ b/scripts/check-node-versions.mjs
@@ -3,13 +3,13 @@
 import { readFile } from 'node:fs/promises';
 import { dirname, resolve } from 'node:path';
 import { fileURLToPath } from 'node:url';
-import { log, warn } from '../../scripts/log.js';
+import { log, warn } from '../dotcom-rendering/scripts/env/log.js';
 
 const __dirname = dirname(fileURLToPath(import.meta.url));
 
 process.chdir(resolve(__dirname, '..'));
 
-const nvmrc = (await readFile('../.nvmrc', 'utf-8'))
+const nvmrc = (await readFile('.nvmrc', 'utf-8'))
 	// We don’t care about leading or trailing whitespace
 	.trim();
 
@@ -30,15 +30,15 @@ if (!nodeVersion) {
 const requiredNodeVersionMatches =
 	/** @type {const} @satisfies {ReadonlyArray<{filepath: string, pattern: RegExp}>}*/ ([
 		{
-			filepath: 'Containerfile',
+			filepath: 'dotcom-rendering/Containerfile',
 			pattern: /^FROM node:(.+)-alpine$/m,
 		},
 		{
-			filepath: 'scripts/deploy/riff-raff.yaml',
+			filepath: 'dotcom-rendering/scripts/deploy/riff-raff.yaml',
 			pattern: /^ +Recipe: dotcom-rendering.*-node-(\d+\.\d+\.\d+)$/m,
 		},
 		{
-			filepath: '../apps-rendering/riff-raff.yaml',
+			filepath: 'apps-rendering/riff-raff.yaml',
 			pattern: /^ +Recipe: .+-mobile-node(\d+\.\d+\.\d+).*$/m,
 		},
 	]);
diff --git a/scripts/env/check-node b/scripts/env/check-node
deleted file mode 100755
index c650fb4e112..00000000000
--- a/scripts/env/check-node
+++ /dev/null
@@ -1,86 +0,0 @@
-#!/usr/bin/env bash
-
-# Check whether the current node version matches the .nvmrc version, and offer some help if not.
-
-in_terminal() { test -t 1; }
-
-strip_colors() {
-    local text="$1"
-    echo "$text" | sed -e $'s/\x1b\[[0-9;]*m//g'
-}
-
-log_with_color() {
-    local text="$1"
-
-    # Check if output is a terminal and supports color
-    if in_terminal && [[ $(tput colors) -ge 8 ]]; then
-        # Terminal supports color, print the text as it is
-        echo -e "$text"
-    else
-        # Terminal does not support color, strip color codes and print
-        echo "$(strip_colors "$text")"
-    fi
-}
-
-blue='\033[0;34m'
-red='\033[0;31m'
-dim='\033[2m'
-bold='\033[1m'
-reset='\033[0m'
-
-# get the node version from .nvmrc
-nvmrc_contents=$(cat .nvmrc)
-
-# check that it's a valid version (matches x.y.z)
-nvmrc_version_pattern="^[0-9]+\.[0-9]+\.[0-9]+$"
-if [[ $nvmrc_contents =~ $nvmrc_version_pattern ]]; then
-	nvmrc_version=${BASH_REMATCH[0]}
-else
-	log_with_color "${red}The Node version in .nvmrc is invalid${reset}"
-	log_with_color "${dim}It should match the pattern 'x.y.z'.${reset}"
-	# exit with failure
-    exit 1
-fi
-
-# Now we can check if the current version of Node matches the .nvmrc version
-
-# is _any_ node available?
-if [[ -x "$(command -v node)" ]]; then
-	node_version=$(node -v)
-	node_version=${node_version:1} # remove the "v" in "v1.2.3"
-fi
-
-# check the version we're using
-# note that `node_version` will be empty if node wan't available above
-if [ "$node_version" == "$nvmrc_version" ]; then
-	# we're using the correct version of node
-	log_with_color "${dim}Using Node ${blue}$node_version${reset}"
-
-	# we're done, exit with success
-	exit 0
-fi
-
-# If we got here, we're using the wrong version of node, or There Is No Node.
-# Try to help people load the correct version:
-if in_terminal; then
-	log_with_color "${red}This project requires Node v$nvmrc_version${reset}"
-	if [[ -x "$(command -v fnm)" ]]; then
-		log_with_color "${dim}Run ${blue}fnm use${reset}${dim} to switch to the correct version.${reset}"
-		log_with_color "${dim}See ${blue}${dim}https://github.com/Schniz/fnm#shell-setup${reset}${dim} to automate this.${reset}"
-	elif [[ -x "$(command -v asdf)" ]]; then
-		log_with_color "${dim}Run ${blue}asdf install${reset}${dim} to switch to the correct version.${reset}"
-	elif [[ -x "$(which nvm)" ]]; then
-		log_with_color "${dim}Run ${blue}nvm install${reset}${dim} to switch to the correct version.${reset}"
-	else
-		log_with_color "${dim}Consider using ${bold}fnm${reset}${dim} to manage Node versions:${reset} ${blue}https://github.com/Schniz/fnm#installation${reset}${dim}.${reset}"
-	fi
-else
-	# not in a terminal, so v possible we're running a husky script in a git gui
-	echo "Could not find Node v$nvmrc_version."
-	echo "You may need to load your Node version manager in a ~/.huskyrc file."
-	echo "See https://typicode.github.io/husky/troubleshooting.html#command-not-found."
-fi
-
-# exit with failure
-exit 1
-
diff --git a/scripts/env/check-yarn b/scripts/env/check-yarn
deleted file mode 100755
index 800d9b9d1a3..00000000000
--- a/scripts/env/check-yarn
+++ /dev/null
@@ -1,28 +0,0 @@
-#!/usr/bin/env node
-
-/**
- * Check that yarn is available. If not, ask the user to run `corepack enable`
- * which will provide it.
- *
- * Note that any yarn@>1 will do, since it will defer to
- * the copy in that lives in .yarn/releases (which is the version we want to
- * use).
- */
-
-// no external deps can be used here, because this runs before deps are installed
-const { execSync } = require('child_process');
-const { stdout } = require('process');
-const { colourise, log, warn } = require('../log');
-
-// we can't use chalk, because this runs before deps are installed
-// https://gist.github.com/fnky/458719343aabd01cfb17a3a4f7296797
-const reset = '\x1b[0m';
-const blue = '\x1b[34m';
-
-try {
-	const yarnVersion = execSync('yarn -v', { encoding: 'utf-8' });
-	log(`Using yarn ${colourise(reset, colourise(blue, yarnVersion.trim()))}`);
-} catch (e) {
-	warn(`Could not find yarn. Please run 'corepack enable'.`);
-	process.exit(1);
-}